This week America celebrates Thanksgiving - a time when we look back and be thankful for everything we've been blessed with. It's also a holiday founded on the annihilation of a culture, the genocide of an entire population, and the destruction of the environment.
Last week's episode of Cutthroat, titled Hell Hath No Fury, showed the annihilation of women's clothing (thanks Laurel), the genocide of a team (Red), and the destruction of a Challenge (Gimme A Hand). Let's begin first with what I'm thankful for:
Nice ass-tat.
This should really be a Challenge on its own.
Laurel showing her enthusiasm for Thanksgiving by dressing like a Native American.
Paula's strongest assets at the Challenge.It was as if my early Thanksgiving prayers were answered with an amazing skins-match between Laurel and Paula. Of course it happened during Dunbar's b-day party, it's like the Real World pornstar exudes angry sex.
Believe it or not, Paula's shirt wasn't the only piece of woman's clothing that was destroyed by the Amazonian. Laurel also hunted out Cara Maria's piece in the hot tub as well:
REVERSE HULK!
We also watched more of the Red Team's self-genocide when their final Gulag sacrificial lamb Camila was sent home. Now let's get to the destruction of the Gimme A Hand challenge with the rankings.
1. Derrick/2. Bananas
A truly stellar outing from Bert and Ernie this week. After Derrick took the reigns and put himself in the Gulag a few weeks ago, it was Bananas' turn to step up and show why the Blue team is probably the top dog at this point.
Johnny didn't disappoint. He carried Theresa through the first run (out of anyone) and then teamed up with his hetero-life partner Derrick to finish the challenge. Having Derrick and Bananas on the same team seems illegal. It's like when all the really stellar athletes in elementary school had to be captains in P.E. so they'd be on different teams. Let's check out the remaining men:
Blue:
-Bananas
-Derrick
Gray:
-Abram
-Luke
Red:
-Brad
-Dunbar
-Tyler
You gotta give the advantage to Blue. Sure, there's an argument for Red, but the fact remains that they don't have a leader. Brad should be the leader, but his balls have been securely placed in Tori's purse, so he can't lead.
And while it may be a mood point, you gotta love Bert and Ernie's double-team to on Camila to have her start throwing Challenges.
Veteran moves get veteran paychecks. They're 1 and 2.
3. Abram
Abram is such a god damn beast, he doesn't just slay at Challenges - he brings a unique perspective and method to each one. It's kind of like watching Roy Jones Jr. box in his prime or Batman get out of all the crazy death traps.
In the Gimme A Hand Challenge, Abe swung around the ropes like he was in the trapeze. It was like Tarzan carrying a highly volatile Jane.
Half Kama Sutra, Half Pilates
If it wasn't for Luke and Cara Maria, I'd have Grey at the top of the leader board. But Grey is looking a little too slim at the moment. This will probably change in the next two episodes before the final Challenge, but at this point, Blue has the edge.
4. Jenn
I've been catching some flack for having Jenn so high up on the list, but this is a power ranking and she is the most powerful chick on the Blue team. They won (again) and with two episodes left, even if Blue loses the next two Challenges, Emily and Theresa are still going in. She has pretty much secured a spot in the final challenge at this point.
5. Brad
The Red Team looks like shit, straight up. I'm getting slightly worried about Brad's standing as an asset to the Red Team. Dunbar popped his Gulag cherry, so I'm not sure if he'll get the next one off if Red loses. On top of that, the only other male in the mix is Tyler, and that sly dog will Jedi Mind his way out of the Gulag.
Solid move refusing to attempt the Gimme A Hand Challenge though - it took the arsenal out of the other Red team members campaigning to get Bonnie and Clyde in the Gulag.
6. Sarah
Huge shift in power for all the ladies. With Camila out, the strength for the females has shifted between team. Let's see the ladies that are left:
Grey
-Sara
-Laurel
-Cara Maria
Red
-Tori
-Paula
Blue
-Jenn
-Emily
-Theresa
I'd say Grey is the strongest in the female department. Tori and Paula are screwed (more Paula than Tori) and stacked up against Grey, Blue is weaker. Sarah moves up in the rankings because she'll be safe next week no matter what. The squabble between Laurel and Cara Maria will take the spotlight if they ever lose again.
7. Tyler
I can see Tyler making it all the way to the final challenge, and to be honest, if he was on my team for the finale, I'd be fairly confident. He's a smart dude and I think his competitive nature would keep him going til the end of the final challenge. Dunbar will probably go in from here on out.
8. Emily
I have no idea how this happened. Emily has no business being so high up but this rookie has shown awesome strength in her first year. She makes out with other girls, brought the rage out of Ty, and whipped Melinda's ass in the Gulag. Plus, she has a Gulag-buffer in Theresa. Tack on the fact that Blue is on a roll and has a good chance of winning one out of the next two challenges, and it seems that Emily is final challenge bound her first year in.
Plus there's the fact that she now lives in the Colorado mountains working as a barista and riding everyday. She's officially on my good side. Emily, I salute you.
9. Tori
The Red Team is down to Tori and Paula for the ladies. Not good considering Red lost its mojo about 4 episodes ago. Paula will be going in to the Gulag the next time they lose but it means nothing to Tori if they don't win one of the next two challenges. She might be the mama of Team Red, but she's going to have to prove it if Red doesn't pull an upset.
10. Laurel
I was as shocked as anyone else when Laurel got chucked in the Gulag. It didn't make sense to me. Sure, Abram is the top-dog and will represent for his chick, but I really didn't picture Dan and Luke swaying that way. No worries though, she got her worst Gulag scenario and still came out on top. Plus, being this close to the money means that Cara Maria will be heading to the Gulag.
11. Dunbar
No surprise seeing Dunbar sent into the Gulag and I see him going in every time from here on out. The Tyler-Brad-Tori alliance means that Paula and Dunbar are going in.
12. Luke
Luke is another competitor in win-or-go-in-Gulag mode. With the Dice Gulag happening last week, it means that the next two are going to be extremely physical and his match ups against Dunbar/Bananas means he's cooked. Solid run for Luke, but my guess is that he won't see the finish line.
13. Theresa
I meditated on how the final three ladies should be ranked for a solid twenty minutes. They're all up for Gulag, and they're all pretty evenly matched. So why is Theresa higher than Paula and Cara Maria? Because she's a bitch and was brought up under the tutelage of Wes. If/when she goes in, I feel like she'll destroy.
14. Paula
Fairly certain she hasn't been this close to a win before. She's going to have to earn her spot and with all three of these broads, it's pretty much a coinflip.
15. Cara Maria
Is it just me or does Cara Maria kind of look like pornstar Sasha Grey's latin cousin? I definitely see it, and trust me, with the amount of screen time I've seen from both of these women, I can be considered an expert on the subject.
No matter how good Cara Maria's pornstar looks or pornstar skills with Abram are, I think she'll be going into the Gulag if Grey loses. On top of that, I think Paula is hungrier and Theresa is stronger.
Now, we have a break this week for Thanksgiving, but we did get a good preview for next Wednesday. Let's check the screens:
Trouble in paradise?
A Grey Team Loss?
THE RETURN.
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